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2005-07-03

1:51 a.m.

A Hard Translucent Wall

Amanda Plummer is bound and gagged inside the television set and I�m curled up in a little pink Hello Kitty blanket because the air conditioning is on too high. Sometimes it feels so weird to have a body and when I touch my skin the thought that I am actually touching myself seems either disturbing or sort of confusing, sort of lacking in connection because feeling my body with my sometimes foreign hands is almost like watching my body from outside myself.

Mirrors fascinate me and when I�m cleverly dressed and all made up, blood red lipstick and all, I just want to be that image and nothing more. Or nothing less, I should say. I want to embody�my body, and the fact that feels like a possibility that I actually do� feels so strange.

I am wearing pigtails today and they are divided down the middle of my scalp but sort of unevenly and have somehow dried in pure ringlets and feel heavy on top of my head, have sort of made my head hurt half of the day but I haven�t taken them off because I love them and I embody all of this.

My throat and knuckles are dry and my eyes are ready to snap shut for the better part of a day in another country. I feel lonely too easily lately and I don�t think it has anything to do with anyone I interact with. I crave intensity but I�ve been crying about every few hours and maybe I should just try to sleep.

And maybe I�ve been crying because I�m trying to give myself the intensity I crave and sadness and insecurity are easy tricks. Or maybe I�ve been crying because I want to feel more connection with people, gorgeous connection, the brighter side of sensitivity, not just random company.

<-a foot deeper~~~~~~~~~~~~~an inch above->

Fresh Mammary Drippings

Curdled Shadows

Suck an Orifice

Diary-Tree Topsoil

Tit-Elating Mountains to Climb (in alphabetical ascension):�

Analogy
Engelchen
theFelineOne
Level-Off
Marn
Mireillie
Notahilbilly
Pischina
Playground
Sling
Thryn

Hiding Places that Echo (in alphabetical descension):

GreyTanit
Dyke
CLCassius

Gallery of Electronic Lacerations

Fossilized Footprints

Tether Me

see my nailbytes.com feature

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Song quote from "Poison" By Laurie Anderson.